Ubuntu
I read of a term recently in a historical fiction series I have been enjoying for the last two years. It is the Bregdan Chronicles by Ginny Dye for anyone who loves Christian historical fiction. The books span the years from 1860 to 1872 and cover the American Civil War and the tumultuous period for America in the years following the war – from the industrial revolution to freedom for the slaves and the rise of the KKK. It follows the lives of journalists, women daring to defy the societal norms, a southern plantation-owning family, and former slaves and their families, just to name a few.
The word is ubuntu. In the book, the context of the word was discovered in a young black girl celebrating becoming a young woman. Different women in her life shared words of wisdom with her, encouragement, advice – as she began her journey towards womanhood.
Ubuntu is an African word. It basically means that a person is a person through other people. In other words, we create each other…we belong to each other…you are because we are. In essence, other people make us who we are. We remember what people say to us, how they treat us, wisdom they impart, love they show, examples they set for us. While there can be negative as well as positive influences in our lives through the words and actions of others, I am choosing to focus on the positive and in relation to who I am today as a caregiver.
My grandmother – or grammy as I affectionately called her. She was the first caregiver I can remember ever being aware of. I lived with her off and on as a child and so she was a great influence in my life. Before I was ever born, she was a full-time caregiver for her mother-in-law in her final years on this earth. Several times when I was living with her as a child/teenager, she cared for me after oral surgery, surgery on both of my feet, a broken collarbone, 2nd degree burns, bouts of poison ivy, and bike rides that ended with a bent bike frame and lots of cuts and bruises (I was a clumsy kid!). Grammy taught me that, even when caregiving is messy and hard and lasts longer than you ever thought it would (she was a grammy after all and not one of my parents), you do it with a smile on your face and a song in your heart, grateful for the opportunity and always looking for the blessing in the mix of it all.
My momma D (pastor’s wife who was a surrogate momma to me after I became a Christian) – Momma D took in her Aunt Ruby when she had two young boys to homeschool and all the responsibilities of a pastor’s wife. They created a space for her in their home when it looked to most like they had no extra room to spare. Besides Aunt Ruby, momma D offered her heart and her care to any church family member recovering from surgery or an injury or just plain sick. She cooked them meals, cleaned for them, sat with them during hospital stays, and was just there to let them know they were loved. Momma D taught me that it doesn’t matter what season of life you are in or how full your plate already is. When caregiving needs to be done and God has called you to the task, you can make the time and the room.
My friend Teresa took care of her mom during the last few years of her battle with ALS. Teresa had littles she homeschooled, had a young marriage, was an entrepreneur, and hosted lifegroup in her home. Teresa taught me that those we are caring for deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and reminded me that, even when they are incapable of caring for themselves, our loved ones are just as much a part of the family and need to feel included every single day.
My friend Kim became a caregiver for her mother-in-law during her end-of-life stage and battle with cancer. Kim taught me that, even when your efforts are not appreciated or even wanted, you care because it is the right thing to do, the God thing. It shows love and glorifies God, and sometimes that is enough.
My amazing mother-in-law Marge was not only the sole provider and caregiver for her three kids, but also for her husband who had mental health issues and developmental disabilities. While she certainly had her limits and was pushed to them often, she had this uncanny ability to let it roll off her back like water on a duck’s feathers. She embraced, ‘it is what it is’ and refused to let her circumstances keep her from enjoying the simpler things in life and robbing her of her joy. She taught me so many things.
I have fellow special needs mom friends who teach me every day through their patience, selflessness, love, mama bear advocate hearts, and perseverance what it looks like to live life victoriously through challenges and circumstances parents of typical kids could never fathom.
I could go on, but I think you get the picture. Grammy, momma D, Teresa, Kim, Marge, Stephanie, Eboni, Katherine, Sylvia, Rachel, Erin, Suzanne (and so many more)…you are my ubuntu. I pray that I am a part of yours too. I AM because WE ARE.
xoxoxoxoxox