10,000 Reasons
It was 22 years ago. I had recently discovered I was pregnant with our fourth child. SURPRISE! We already had three kids…4, 2, and 9-months. We lived in a double-wide mobile home (to be politically correct - It was a trailer.). To say we lived paycheck to paycheck was an understatement. We were a one-income family living on a prayer!
My saving grace was time with friends every two weeks at our young women’s Bible study that took place at our pastor’s house and was led by his wife Donna (Momma D to most of us spring chickens). It was a chance to leave the house - the sounds of Barney and the Wiggles, the smells of diapers, the constant pull of someone on my leg (or shirt as I think I calculated that I breastfed for like five years straight). I got to shower, fix my hair, drive across town (while listening to adult music), and fellowship with my girlfriends and Momma D, enjoying food I did not have to share or hide in the bathroom to eat. You moms of toddlers know what I am talking about.
Anyway, we were studying The Disciplines of a Beautiful Woman by Anne Ortlund. It’s a GREAT book with very practical advice for maturing Christian women. It’s where I learned the discipline of keeping a grateful journal. I started journaling in 2001, just before Jeremiah came into our family.
What things did I journal that I was grateful for? ANYTHING! Big or small…it didn’t matter how insignificant it seemed to anyone else or in the big scheme of things considering our routine lives. If I was thankful for it, I journaled it.
Wendy (my sister) giving me hand-me-downs from Brett (her son) for Jonathan (my oldest).
Finding a play kitchen for Michaela for $5 at a yard sale.
Jerry getting approved for behavior therapy.
Consignment stores for the kids.
Jerry using the bathroom independently.
Kim and her kids meeting us at the park for a play date.
Walks around the neighborhood pulling the kids in the wagon.
Finding a parking space close to the doors at Walmart when it was raining.
Cheese balls on sale at Sam’s.
Naps!
Nothing was off limits and each entry represented a season of life for me. I can look back at one of my many journals and flip to a page and within a few minutes of reading remember exactly where we lived, where John worked, and what our lives looked like on a daily basis.
I have nearly ten of these journals filled and stored in my closet now and, during some of our hardest seasons caring for Jerry, they became a lifeline to the surface when I was sure the abyss of exhaustion and overwhelming fear and stress would swallow me whole. No matter how tired I was, I ended each day writing SOMETHING, ANYTHING in my grateful journal. Some entries could make one wonder about my definition of a blessing, but for me, I knew I had to find the light in the darkness of every single day, even the hardest ones. It was the only sure way for me to keep from developing a case of the “poor me’s” and inviting everyone I knew to my self-thrown pity party.
Michaela holding Jerry in the backseat all the way to the hospital while he seized to keep him from hurting himself.
Finding the diamond that fell out of my wedding ring when the stainless steel tumbler that was thrown at me hit it and knocked it out.
Getting a refund we weren’t expecting and being able to pay the electric bill with it.
Neurologist being able to squeeze Jerry in for an emergency appt.
A babysitter and first date out with John in 6 months.
Jerry not having an allergic reaction to the over 100 ant bites on his hand after he stuck it in an ant hill.
Keeping the car under control when Jerry reached forward and grabbed the steering wheel.
It was the only sure way for me to keep from developing a case of the “poor me’s” and inviting everyone I knew to my self-thrown pity party.
I look back now at the timing of reading Anne’s book and learning the importance of journaling my gratitude and see God’s grace. He alone knew the challenge it would be for me to keep His eternal perspective in my circumstances as I struggled to care for a child with special needs…in addition to caring for my other children, being a wife, taking care of my home, being a friend and sister and daughter, and trying to walk in the purposes God had for me as His disciple. I have learned that having the right perspective not partly about gratitude…it is ALL ABOUT gratitude.
I number my entries in my journal. Right now I am at 9,075. Soon, I will hit 10,000. I can’t say it any better than Matt Redman.
10,000 Reasons
Bless the Lord O my soul
O my soul
Worship His Holy name
Sing like never before
O my soul
I’ll worship Your Holy name
The sun comes up
It’s a new day dawning
It’s time to sing Your song again
Whatever may pass
And whatever lies before me
Let me be singing
When the evening comes
You’re rich in love
And You’re slow to anger
Your name is great
And Your heart is kind
For all Your goodness
I will keep on singing
Ten thousand reasons
For my heart to find
And on that day
When my strength is failing
The end draws near
And my time has come
Still my soul will
Sing Your praise unending
Ten thousand years
And then forevermore
10,000 reasons for my heart to find. What reasons can you find? They are there. Some days you may have to dig deeper than others to find them, but I assure you they are there. Some days you will find more than one to journal about while other days’ entries you will be stretched to come up with just one. Still, some days’ entries will look more like plot outlines from a Netflix thriller. It doesn’t matter. Find them, journal them, glean His perspective from them. Start today…with entry #1.